2004-04-05 - 5:08 a.m.

Incentivizing Isn't A Word

And I'm remembering and collating comments over this past year on the subject of the thing I think when it comes down to it that I've enjoyed most. I actually helped someone, you see, and I continue to watch them grow.

She told me about things that bothered her in her relationship with a guy I knew that she really didn't have anyone else to talk to about. They happened to be things I'd done a lot of thinking about, so I could give a good answer; some of them were just stupid things, so classically male that I was embaressed because he wasn't. Instead of telling, she'd always ask, genuinely uncertain on some deep level, if it was unreasonable to make such a big deal out of someone just saying, "Oh, hi" after you'd been gone for a week without any notice that you were leaving or any statement that you were returning or anything, for them to not ask any questions or show any concern for your existence whatsoever.

I did what I could. Some people really ought to be more confident in themselves, having the capacity to be empowered without treading on too many fragile skulls.

And one of the only things that's made me smile without regrets this year through something other than surprise was that she was kicking her father out of her house after he brought his ex-fiancee there, who is legally required to avoid all dwellings in which it is reasonable to expect that said person might reside in or be at; restraining order, you see, because the ex-fiancee is a fucking lunatic. Never date or marry someone whose eyes are ALL THE WAY OPEN, I say, too late for Dad The Moron.

All this grief from ex-fiancee to his daughter, and he did nothing but stand by and watch while the flak flew. Didn't even encourage them to get along, just sat and was passive, waiting for a victor to emerge I think. I'd say something condemning of those too weak to hold up even an opinion, but I was like that once and now I'm not. Can't very well condemn the seed unless it refuses to grow. Anyway, all this flak, and the dad just sat and watched; eventually the daughter won, and won custody of her sister besides, huzzahs and hurrahs all around.

And the dad just watched and co-signed on the lease and lived in one room of the three-room apartment. And she's kicking him out when the lease is up for bringing the psychopath into their home, showing her where they live, ignoring the restraining order, and completely ignoring the reality that you just don't do that if you are thinking about anyone else at all.

A year ago she wouldn't have done that. It would have just infuriated her. I like to think that the purposeful building of confidence I started to undertake many moons ago is bearing fruit, but anything I do is only one mineral among the many needed for proper growth. I'll just be happy if I'm listed in the credits when all is said and done; don't need to comprise, just cameo.

And I felt something rare and gave something equally rare: what I think was actually a warm smile. I was genuinely happy that she was standing up for herself, and said so.

It's so nice, those rare times, when people do more than just Not Disappointing. It's been quite awhile.

And for once, a positive feeling doesn't seem to be immediately countered by the longing for a time past when that feeling was stronger or more frequent. This is progress, I think.

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