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2003-10-27 - 6:30 p.m. Recurring Phrase for Today: "Retail Hell" The salespeople at the local Gamestop in the mall have always annoyed me -- it's the only gaming store I've ever been in where the high-pressure upsell doesn't go away after one, two, or even three repelled attempts. They just. Keep. Coming. And telling you how great the game your elbow happened to be pointing more or less in the direction of is, or explaining how much money you can save with their magical member discount magazine cheat code catalogue informer thing, or telling you how terrible it will be if you don't reserve the copy of the greatest game ever (slated for release next week, and they will no doubt be sold out by 9AM of that same day -- FOREVER). So I stopped going there, because that is my relatively simple approach to annoying salespeople: avoid them completely by changing stores. Instead, I go to the Electronics Boutique, where the selection is not quite as good or the presentation as slick, but the salespeople may as well be asleep for all the upselling or wandering sales-pressure dispensation that they do. I like the atmosphere. Today, for a change, I went to a different GameStop on the assumption that they might have some used Dreamcast or Playstation games that I was looking for -- not that I had anything in specific in mind. Just that I might recognize a title or two and find momentary joy in a little piece of plastic. After spending ten minutes in the store, each of the three clerks had attempted to sell me something at least twice and I decided that it was time to take my purchases and leave. While at the register, two clerks attempted to tag-team me into reserving Final Fantasy X2 (it's coming out in ***time here*** and we'll be instantly sold out! you don't want to miss out! comes with a free poster! greatest game ever for the ps2! how could you miss this amazing offer!) and I finally just got tired of it. Clerk 1: "Just think, it'll be the greatest game ever for the PS2!" Clerk 2: "You don't want to miss out!" Me: "When I come back in two years, crawling in tears to the doorstep, and beg you to please, please, for the love of God, sell me a copy of Final Fantasy X2 and the limited edition poster that goes with it, you can laugh at me and kick me in the face and tell me how I should have listened to you those years ago when you gave me the opportunity to reserve it and get the poster for the low, low sum of .. how much was it again?" Clerk 1: "Just $5 down!" Clerk 2: *staring* Me: "Right, $5 down. No doubt in two years this humble game will be a terrific collector's item that I will be spit on in the streets for not having purchased." Clerk 1: *staring* Clerk 2: "Heh! Well, uh, sure! The poster will probably be worth $250 by then! Ha ha .. " Uncomfortable silence ensued, broken when the more experienced Clerk 1 was called away to do a trade-in that involved cash, which is how I learned that I was probably being harassed for upsells and reservations as part of a training exercise -- shift manager with trainee in tow. Clerk 2 scanned all my items, then stopped me when I was in the process of swiping my card to tell me about their (Sorry, not interested) incredible gaming ma (Really not interested, thanks.) gazine, Game Informer, where you can (No, thanks) learn all about (Seriously, I just want my games) the new and upcoming games for all the greatest systems, was I interested? Scripted upsells are one thing, but continuing to Are You Interested after being cut off four times with mounting venom is just stupid. He finally gave me my total and allowed me to pay for it, then asked if I wanted a bag. When I said no, he attempted to upsell the bag to me. I can only hope that he was joking. There was the ever-popular Washington Cloudy Sky outside, and he was attempting to get me to take the bag on the basis that: 1) It is cloudy outside. 2) It has GameStop written on the outside. 3) It is a bag that can hold stuff. I am not always as kind as I might be. I am usually pretty friendly to people doing their corporate-mandated upsell to each customer, but the GameStop people lately have gone above and beyond the call of fucking annoyances to enter into a special place in my head. So I snapped, in my own way, and it was good. -------- Me: "When I get home, can I use the bag to keep live fish in?" Clerk 2: "What?" Me: "Is it watertight? I mean, I wouldn't want to leave the fish in there overnight and find out it had died the next day because of a slow leak or inadequate air supply -- ooh, hadn't thought of that. Do you guys sell the little bubbler-things for aquariums here so I can keep the little guys alive?" Clerk 2: "Huh?" Me: "Well, it's not like I *want* dead fish. Last time that happened I tried to bring it back and you guys told me I couldn't because it wasn't a factory-defect on the fish, just mishandling and I was like WHAT?" Clerk 2, increasingly uncomfortable: "Ha ha, do you work at another GameStop -- maybe one that sell fish?" Me: "No, I work at Big Game Stop. We sell deer and bison." -------- And so on. I havn't had quite that much fun with the retail world in a long time. What have we learned today? Shopping at GameStop *CAN* have its rewards.
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